My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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