Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
