Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
