another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
