He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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