almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
