Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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