sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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