see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
