I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
