so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
