You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
