we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
