So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
How does one acquire holy water?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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