I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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