guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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