dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
