Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
