guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Randomize
