Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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