why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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