Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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