R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I wish I only lived at night.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
A bitchslap is in order.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
