1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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