Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just had sex on a roof
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
