i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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