Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
