My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
