she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
