Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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