Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
