What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
