We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
