I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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