His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
