Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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