There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
