Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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