btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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