Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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