Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
