he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
