we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
