And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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