what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
