i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
