$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
