i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
home. puking in laundry basket.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Randomize
