i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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