Nicole vs. Life
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
