I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
