these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
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