you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
